Is it alright?

I don't know why in the hell I would start this blog under this condition. I am freakin WASTED!! But hey, I can always edit it later and it's nice to speak my mind with little to no filter!!<-----Well...That was Monday night...and today is Wednesday(Thursday now) and let's just say...this. has. been. edited. ;) had to cut a bunch of the ranting and rambling! No worries though, there's still plenty.

This process has been coming together rather quickly. We've already gone over all the music and it's the second week of rehearsal!! Awesome! I blush when I think about this production. I have complete faith in Scott and I know that he has complete faith in us. Otherwise, why would he ever move so quickly ;) just sayin. We have a mini read through/sing through soon and I'm excited!! I think I'm mostly excited because I know Miller-ography is right around the corner. It's gonna be a blasty blast.

It's not all Amsterdam spring sunshine and rainbows. No no no....I am absolutely terrified of this whole accent thing. German.....Dutch....I'm freakin out!! EEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Breath, breath........aaaaaaaaaahhhh. Okay, I'm gonna just throw that shit out of the window though because FEAR is TREASON! Life is passion and fear is treason. I learned that during 'Two Gents'. It's another one of those lines that just stuck with me. It's just blatant truth. Fear will block paths. Fear is betrayal to your art form and in love there must be no fear. There is NO doubt...I LOVE THIS and so I shall have NO fear, I will exercise some discretion, but I shall have NO fear. Fear builds barriers and as a performer I want no barriers, I want to connect in every way possible. Well, since I've kicked fear to the curb I'd better develop a plan of attack! I mean, just because there isn't fear doesn't mean the challenge went away! I've got to surround myself with the dialects. If I hear it, I can duplicate it. If I practice, I will duplicate it well, and that's what I intend to do...fingers crossed ;)

Monday's rehearsal was a ton of fun! It was all sex drugs and rock and roll!! The sex..."we just had sex" of course! I love that it's so lighthearted. the lines that always pop out to me when this song is looping through my head are "it's really no big deal that we just had sex" and "you might find it quite risque, but it's the European way". You really feel the shift in culture. I imagine us cha cha-ing from partner to partner la la la-ing all the while. This show is full of songs where I get to la la la and I'm loving every minute of it :) I was listening to the recording and one of the ladies hits a high note and I was like daaaaaaamn, I like that!! I'm gonna try for it next go round...if it gets vetoed that's cool. No fear. On to the drugs please. LOL. Oh "Amsterdam", this song sounds like smiles and sunshine and like there's hashish on the menu. Wonderful!! It sets the scene with all vices in full view and I love how it introduces the characters. The youth's mind is most definitely blown upon arrival. It makes me want to jet to Europe right now!!! Last but not least rock and roll. "Surface" is pretty damn intense to say the least. Layers upon layers of realizations and proclamations! Sexy bass lines and guitar riffs! Chanting, shouting, wailing! Beating on the drums like they stole something! "welcome to Mr. Venus' riot cabaret." That's entrancing. It's thrilling. I want to be sitting center table in that smoke and angst filled venue. I learned that what's inside is just a lie and that only love is real and gained the courage to bleed. And what's this I hear about Molotov cocktails and a vocoder? ;)

Things got real mellow Tuesday. All groovy emotional tunes. Tuesday's rehearsal had me head over heels in my feelings. I love that this show does that to you. Far out, humming along, tapping your foot one minute, immersed in deep thought the next. I learned "Come down now". I get to pour my heart and soul out. That song is personally touching to me, much like "Mom's song". Relationships are hard. You can both feel the same way but not want the same thing. You can both want the same thing but not feel the same way. Love and understanding, should the two go hand in hand or stand at opposing ends? "All you gotta do is ask me, I'll give you all the love life allows" my sentiments exactly. If that were said to me, here's what I would do....ASK YOU!! I love a boy who believes, it's not love if somebody has to change. I don't doubt that this boy loves me, I don't doubt that he believes love and understanding go hand in hand. I have come to believe that they should stand at opposing ends because after all "only love is real"....am I right? Relationships are hard. Enough of that jazz.

Tonight's mini read through/sing through was not a complete success but it was also not an epic fail! We are loosening up and letting go. We're all getting together at Charles and Nikki's to watch the film this Sunday and I'm so excited!! I've seen it a few times but I think it's so great, I could watch it over and over. I know it's gonna help develop a feel for what's going on scene to scene. Sometimes it's hard to imagine with just music and lyrics. I can't wait until these songs become experiences. That will come with blocking. Real read through/sing through is Monday. Perfect timing after our viewing party :)

My week has been mad hectic. Work and rehearsal and meetings and social life. I'm okay with that though. I get satisfaction from what I do and that means so much to me. I am living life, not just 'tumble-weeding'. I'm happy, I am alive and well, for the most part. I'm happy, there is a script in my back seat. I am truly thankful for opportunities that have been coming my way. I'm going to milk them, make ice-cream and then have an ice-cream social. hahahahaha!! WTF, that's kinda creepy and gross as hell. I don't know why in the hell I would end this blog under this condition, I am deliriously tired!! But hey, It's nice to speak my mind with little to no filter and I know you wont judge me for it. I think I'm gonna go to bed now.