9.30.2011

This brings me no joy.

I am sooooooo sad that I have not had time to sit with myself. Creative time. Time where I can take life's Lemons and make juicy, delicious, sweet, refreshing lemonade. I've just been juggling these stupid ass lemons. BOOOOOOOOOO!! I can't even juggle!! So yea, it's been beyond a mess. I love to blog!! To share my thoughts, as scattered as they may be. I can't even sit still long enough to do so. I gotta make a change. I don't care how much money I make as long as I am happy. As long as I am fulfilled by the end of the day. My days have literally been 9 A.M. clock in, 6 P.M. clock out, 6:30 P.M. get to theatre, 8 P.M. PLAY ON STAGE :), 10:30ish P.M. figure out how much I'll hate my life the next day,...if I go out that night, 1:00 A.M. arrive home, engage nightly routine, sleep, then repeat the next day!!! Daaaaaaang, it's a lot sometimes. But, what gets to me most is that the biggest chunk of my day is invested in working on someone else's passionate project.

It makes me kinda jealous. More and more so daily. I think....hmmmmmmm....I could be crafting. I could be building MY brand. I could be receiving more joy!! This is what I will be working toward because "my dream is to live as an artist". I want to take hold of my dreams and make them a reality bit by bit. I am a realistic person and so no I don't want to quit my job and become a struggling artist, however, I intend to focus on my passion like it's running dry. Like it could make me millions one day, as a matter of fact, like it makes me millions today!! When I consider what I'm receiving for the amount time I invest "workin for man", it's bad news bears. Well, I'm seeking good vibrations, negative nancys can exit stage right....NOW!! Sam Cooke said "a change gon come" I say HOLLA!! I will not just talk about it, I will make it happen. I am an actor, I feed on action.

As I finish up this blog, the shortest blog ever, I am sad. Sad because it's Friday, Friday, and I wanna get down on Friday but noooooooooo 7 A.M. comes oh so early and it's already midnight. :( I am also happy!! For lots of reasons. I have an able mind to share my thoughts and fingers to type it up. I have a job! I have a vehicle of expression, without fear of execution. Friends and family who love me. I could go on and on and so the next time I blog it will not be full of complaints, it will be full of thoughts on 'Passing Strange' and who knows what else. Thanks for listening to, well reading about, my rant of disgust and my hope for change. If I were with you right now I'd give you a biiiiiiiiiggg HUG!! Really though, I do need to make a change so that I have more time on my hands to craft my art form and so that my blood pressure and stress level stays low low low low low low low low. <---in my Flo-Rida voice ;) Til next time guys.

9.13.2011

With their judgemental eyes...see, they've all just realized.....

Nothing is ever strawberry fields forever. Sometimes shit hits the fan. Sometimes people disagree. Sometimes there are opposing visions. We are a group of artists, art is subjective and tiffs are bound to occur, so I don't fret. As long as we are all working towards the same goal, everything will work out. Friction is like seasoning...without it things can get bland and tasteless, too much of it and it becomes a salty mess!! We need friction to cause the spark that ignites a fire!! A fire called passion!! We're artists, not arsonists and so we're not gonna burn the place down, we are going to smolder. We aren't going to take this fire to engulf and destroy. We're gonna take this fire and make beautiful art like blowing glass. Things are really starting to gel and it's nice. Transitions are smoother. Awkward moments are more tense than ever. Touching moments are hitting home. I thought I'd be sick of this show by now but I'm not at all!! It's a challenging production and I know that's why I'm still invested. There's lots of work yet to be done. We've baked the cake and now it's time to ice and decorate, and then serve it, on a platter. This is where artistic freedom must run rampant. This is where discernment is crucial. Nothing should ever get in the way of the message! It's my duty as an actress to always perform like nothing. else. matters. but the message at hand.

Performance enhancers are upon us. I'm sooooo excited, I feel like a little kid on a snow day. LET'S PLAY!! Hair, make-up, the band, lights, costumes, props, the set. Yeeeeeessss!! I want it all!! I've gotta be careful though because with all 'performance-enhancers' there are side effects. These things are here to intensify our performances, but they can also detract, distract, dilute. My role in this group of fiery pilgrims is PERFORMER. A messenger in ways. I want to deliver a clear message with genuine and raw emotion. I refuse to overdose on performance enhancers. If I fail, feel free to 'kill the messenger'. :) The lights, the band, the props, the set....these things are all around me, providing an ambient effect. The hair, make-up, costumes....are a true part of the character. This is where the side effects hit directly. When you envision the character your playing, certain images come to mind. Much like when you read the script, certain blocking comes to mind. Whenever it comes down to it, things may be different than what you imagined. You may be disappointed. You get over it. Unless you don't. Unless the side effects defeat the purpose. Hair, make-up, costumes are always the 'sketchy' part of performance enhancers. They have a super ability to detract, distract, dilute. Could you imagine Audrey with long brown hair instead of her blond bob. Or a "plain Jane" character with a face full of after 5 makeup. Or Dorothy with a red gingham gown....it would change everything. Hair, make-up, costumes are vital pieces when crafting a character. Impeccable taste is a must. Things really shouldn't be too extraordinary with this show, everything is very minimal. Very little props, costume changes happen quickly. Subtle conversions. I think the most vital performance enhancer will be the addition of the band.

This is a Rock and Roll show!! When the band hits the stage, we will explode!! All those guitar riffs and the groovy bass. OMG and the drums!! I can't even handle it, just thinkin about it is making my cheeks hurt I'm smiling so hard. I'm going to try and interact with them as much as possible!! I wonder if they'll sing?! It'd be hard not to!! Justin has been playing piano the past few rehearsals. He is sooooo great. It's amazing he just jumped in like that playing these hard ass songs!! Hats off to Justin!! He's given us a tasty sample of what we have to look forward to once the rest of the New Line band hits the scene. I can't frickin wait!! Since Justin is playing piano, Scott has taken seats in the house. I like it when he watches, things change, for the better. I've already gotten plenty of helpful notes. I've got to remember to stop taking baby steps, it really is distracting and I should only be moving with purpose. I guess I get nervous, which is sooooo not my style. I'm really happy that Mr. Miller enjoys my freestyle interpretive dance. He said it was some good Perkins-ograpy, that made my heart smile, but nothing tops Miller-ography :) Insert Amsterdam hands. The band was a super part of the original production. We don't have a collapsible stage and that's quite alright, but the one thing I miss most with our production in comparison to the original is the lack of Heidi. I loved her. She was like a ghost. Her presence was eerie, intermittent, sporadic and just made sense. Especially in come down now, because I'm sure Heidi has sung that to Stew in her own way. You are missed Heidi, but guess what....We'll just make it like that movie Ghosts and let you live in us from time to time. Man, that's hella creepy!! From magic to ghosts....my goodness!! What the F is my problem!!


This journey is about to hit a turning point. HELL WEEK!!! Things will get hectic, we will be metamorphosed. I realize that I've only been sprinkling in the swag, but I've gotta remember, in the world of musicals, this is soul food and I can be a little bit more heavy handed. The last thing this show is, is bland. This show is all about the "Real" and I just need to focus on that as far as my performance goes. MY REAL. As well as ENERGY!! I went to see a show that only had 2 actors and no intermission and I couldn't take my eyes off the stage. They were 100% invested and therefore so was I. It's easy to get bored as an audience member when your sitting down for a couple hours, experiencing something for the first time. The lights are dim, there aren't any flashy costumes or gigantic dance numbers. I can't let that happen. Boredom is the last thing I want you to experience. There are only 7 of us, in an intimate set up and so there is no doubt, someone is watching you. We must captivate, entrance, seduce, provoke,thrill. It's the New Line way!! This is a very strong cast!! We've grown very close to each other and I learn from each and every individual. I am so grateful to Scott for putting on this production. It's great that he knows what he's after....intelligent singing actors. That gives me a confidence jet pack and I feel honored whenever I can be a part of anything New Line does. It's run run run from here on out and then you guys get to eat some tasty cake!!! Metaphorically of course, well, I guess not if you come to the opening night after party.....DO. IT. and then use your peer pressure for good and tell all your friends to come too!! Come on, all the cool kids are doing it! ;)