If it were any more real, baby....It'd be fiction.

Let's talk about the V. I almost feel like I'm about to be blogging about true blood or something!!! LMAO!! That would be cool too!! Hopefully this is just as cool. To be continued.....

Aaaaaannd we're back. Bait and switch babay!! Last time I blogged I wanted to get knee deep in that triangle between the youth, the mom, and Desi and I still do. However, I was thinking about it and it's really more of a V than a triangle. The Mom and Desi never interact, they are the tips of the V. The youth is the point of the V, the prick if you will ;) and he is a little prick, to both of these ladies. He never says it but he loves them both and they surely love him. It's awesome how similar the relationships are concerning the Mom and Youth & Desi and the Youth. They both try to teach him the same lesson in their own way. Mom says "Love is more real than a dream" Desi sings "My love is more real than all your dreams." He hears them both but doesn't really listen. The roles they play in his life really reflect his growth and his plateau for that matter. These characters all speak to me. Each in their own way.


Let's start with Mom! The Mom represents my family's everlasting love for me. All the things the Mom does my family has done. She preaches to him. He can't stand it. She doesn't "understand" him. She tries to teach him quality lessons. He runs from it. He doesn't want her real, he wants his real. "Why are normal everyday things like sheer agony for you?" youth replies with "'Cuz normal everyday things are phony. Why do I have to change?" In those two sentences alone you see how the mom lives her life...routinely. You see how the youth feels about that and what he'd love to do about it. When the Youth acts a fool in church the Mom says "Do you want these people thinking I've raised a heathen?" the Youth lets her know "I'm not like you! I don't care what they think." Rebel youth! Oh so immature, oh so selfish, oh so headstrong. I love these lyrics, there are mothers everywhere who have felt the exact same way...It's breaking you heart, his questioning of everything. Unannounced, he's flown out from under your wing. I'm hardly afraid of your new world's strange design. Why don't you make room for me, as I made room for you in mine. All Mom's probably feel this way when their child is coming into their own. The youth's mind is made up. He must fulfill his destiny. He's going to Europe, and not just to visit, He's moving there for good. Some of my favorite scenes occur between the Mom and the Youth. In the European avant-garde cinema scene you get a complete breakdown of the struggle between the two. My granny and I have shared similar scenarios. He stands strong on his mission "My dream is to live as an artist" She lets him know "Love is more real than a dream" here comes the rebuttal "You torture me with love, when what I need is understanding." Jeesh, that's kinda harsh to say to ur mom, but at 15 I'm sure I've said worse!! 100% certain. The Mom reminds me so much of my Granny. Good spirited, loving, christian, organized, full of love for me. She has instilled things in me that I will never depart from and that I've run from faster than she can say listening is waiting. Her intent is always the best and sometimes she doesn't understand me at all. But I know she loves me and she keeps me aloft. Youth goes abroad, Mom stays home. In a home that once was theirs, just the two of them. That's a loneliness I know nothing of. I'm not a mom and so I can't personally relate with how that must feel. I empathize more and more the older I get. I will forever be their child. Love like that can't be measured.


The Youth, I relate to in so many ways on a personal level. I've shied away from religion, I've found myself in music, I've run from home in search of my real. I've hurt my family just by being me and who I am. I've lost friends and lovers over time while shedding my cocoon. I have discovered that I am an artist, and it is my dream to live as an artist. When the youth says certain things I'm shaking my head like you selfish little immature prick. At the same time I have felt and do feel the way that he does at various points in my life. I was so rebellious as a teenager. I wanted nothing but to go in search of my own ideas and so when my parents tried to tell me what I should do or who I should be I really didn't want to hear it. I felt like the Youth felt....why should I have to change? To fit your mold? I want my own mold. I did what I wanted to do, I didn't care that it was breaking their hearts to see me run from what they built for me. Well, I now realize that I was just immature and selfish. I didn't put others before myself. My love was shallow, my focus was on living how I wanted to live. Their love was deep, their whole lives transformed around their love for me and making my life the best it could be. That focus became more real than whatever dreams they had to put on hold. Sacrifice, maturity, love, now that's real. Times are changing. I'm not nearly as selfish as I used to be and a great deal of that can be attributed to the fact that I'm not nearly as young as I used to be. HEYO! These lines in the show regarding youth really hit home for me "the only truth of youth, is the grown-up consequences." and "someday the chords of age will drown out the life you've been dreaming of." So. True. youth is fleeting, love is everlasting. I enjoy the Youth's journey and the subtle transformations he goes through. It's like looking in the mirror a little bit and that's so rare and so nice.


Ms. Desi that is, Desi Desi that is, she was a left-wing love machine. Can you dig it? YES I CAN! I <3 Desi. I like her swagger. I like her irresistible mind. Desi is the character that I play for the longest amount of time. She is the character that I relate to the most when it comes to my love life. "She had a long awaited answer for the emptiness you feel, she called it revolution, she told him only love is real." She drops mad knowledge on the youth. Listening is waiting, he takes from it what he will. In so many ways I also believe that only Love is real. I feel love, I give love, I crave love. I have loved and lost, and I will never ever give up on love. It's one of those things you can't buy, or touch, or even explain sometimes but that is so powerful. Love will make you do unseemly things. I was in a relationship for a long while full of ups and downs. Full of lies, full of love. Full of contradictory emotions. In my way I was Desi pleading to the youth to remove that mask. Let me in. Want what I want, feel how I feel, ask me, so that I can give you everything. In his way he was the youth. He didn't see the point of love without understanding....although I thought I understood more than I did. Where I felt only love is real, he felt, it's not love if somebody had to change. Love was not his number one priority, he would be changing his entire focus in order to give me what I want. It hurts to be denied what you want, but it would hurt more to partake in one sided pretending and so I can respect that. Sometimes you've gotta just step back and say "O.K." and let life take it's course. The older I get the better I understand love. I've heard this a billion times and usually shrug it off but this is very true..."Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." That makes me feel like love is the key to immortality!! That makes me respect love and only seek real love. To hold on tight to the real love my family has provided for me and continue to provide me time and time again. :) Desi rocks and I'm so happy to get to portray her. She is a big girl, she allows herself to be vulnerable, if she gets hurt, she will shake it off and become no more bitter because of it. I like that and now that's my plan, Stan.

Whenever I'm involved in a show I try to find something to personally relate to the character I'm playing. Sometimes it's hard. In this case it's been hard to not ramble on and on about how relatable every character is!! It's special, it's rare, it's real. We are off book now and so it's time to get serious and to play a lot too! You can definitely act better without a script in your hand to get in the way. When the band comes in to play, when the lights go up and down, and all those other performance enhancers hit the scene....MAGIC will happen. Man, I seem to mention magic in like every blog and I'm NOT a fan of magic. I mean I guess I am if it's used for good... but it's magic and so it's too easy to be tricked into thinking it's good, but it very well may not be. Alright that's enough about magic and trickery and tom foolery!! Let's talk about something real....THIS SHOW KICKS ASS!! And it keeps getting better!! I think I have my look for the first act and the second act too!! Get. Excited. I am!! The audience is right around the corner, and I love to see the looks on peoples faces. I can't wait!! I want to thrill you!! The only thing I don't want to see is you sleeping, but if your 75+ I'm okay with it because I think your adorable, and I understand....ur just old and it's probs waaaaaaaay past your bed time!! LOL!! Can't wait to get my nursing home up and running. I can just imagine the mayhem at other adult care facilities when their residents find out they could be at the coolest nursing home in town. Water beds, Jacuzzis, jello shots, speed dating, ice-cream socials, Vegas style weddings and entertainment!! HOLLA!! My only stipulation is that you have to check yourself in :) The guy sleeping in the front row wouldn't make the cut, but the red hat lady cracking up with the pearls...yea she's in! Okay, I've lost all train of thought. It's time to call it quits. I'm sure you guys read these sometimes and are like what the hell, but I just wanna say thanks for reading :)