Sebastian and Cesario.....SUCH A DRAG!!!

This show just gets funnier and funnier!!!! At first I was approaching it soooo seriously because its Shakespeare and full of extreme emotions, deep thought and all that jazz....but the minute I stepped back and started having fun with it, the more genuine it felt. The audience is in for a treat!!

Letting loose has helped me better understand how truly delusional Jules is and her fucked up relationship with Lucetta in the scene that introduces us. Lucetta and I are chums. She's a few years older and so she kind of knows what's up, kind of. She gives me all my advice on boys...what to say, what to wear how to act. She says THIS, I do THAT....I've got it together okay, I just go to Lucetta to check my answers. I've been seeing this guy proteus around the way, I think hes kinda handsome, awkward but handsome, so I ask my girl Lucetta what she thinks about me falling in love. She gives me some smart ass answer like "as long as you don't fall on your ass!" DISREGARD...."Well, what do u think of Proteus, and again smart ass reply shaking her head saying "I pity the fool", and I'm like hey now why all this when I mention Proteus... (I really just want her to elaborate with some details on Proteus)....She let's me know that he could be a good one. That's vague as hell!!! More! More! More! Why? Why? Why? Here she goes.. "Well, I have no other than a WOMAN'S reason like shes soooo much more mature, WHATEVER...and I'm like well what do u think should I play hard to get, flirt, make a move, what? Ultimate response...."Sure, make a move....If you think he won't blow you off." AAAARRRRGGGGHH.....Lucetta drives me crazy sometimes but I'll play it cool. "Well I don't care anyway because he doesn't do it for me sooo..." Lucetta "Awww but I think he's the very best one for u" She's tryin to play with my head! She always thinks she knows whats going on, that I like proteus, I'll show her!! We continue back and forth "Yea, well, he's wack! He doesn't even talk to me.".....(why why why tell me why doesn't he talk to me)...."The ones that keep quiet actually care the most.".....hmm little know it all!! "Real men show their love!" Lucetta, still shaking her head mumbles :Pssssh, girl please, the one's who rant and rave are the ones full of shit" DAMN IT, it looks like I've lost this battle.....I just wish I knew how he truly felt.

I'm soo confused!!! Lucetta didn't give me anything but some smart ass answers!! Should I like him? Does he like me? What's his motive? Is he full of shit?

Well, speak of the devil, here comes Proteus walking all grandeously down those stairs...what is he up to?...He's planning to write a symphony, what the hell, this dude runs when he sees me, why would he write a symphony for me? Hmmmm....Lucetta, are you in on this B.S.?....Aaaawww he's so cute, no he's not he's weird, he just said he wanted to make you immortal....creepy!!! I'm soooo confused right now!!!! Why all of a sudden......what the hell....did he gather a choir!! This can't be real....he's full of shit!! Just like all the rest!!! Lucetta always thinks she's right....I'll show both of them!!!! I'm gonna rip this letter to pieces.....HA Lucetta, HA HA choir, HA HA HA Proteus!!!

Wow, he looks so heartbroken.....now I'm mega confused. Lucetta asks if I'm just gonna leave the papers there...I want her out of my sight!!!! I'm all kinds of confused right now, I don't know what to do, all I know is that the last thing I want to hear is her talking shit, so I send her away. I'm pissed off, I look like an ass, and I've got it together, I know what I'm doing! I got this, I don't need any boy, especially an awkwardly handsome vampire lover!!

That's just one of the silly scenarios I put myself through on this wild ride!! Those introducing scenes help me understand Julia deeply..... Julia and I are practically twins!! We are both incredibly silly individuals who learn life's lessons the hard way. Julia, Julia, Julia......I'm young, I'm naive, I'm annoying, I'm defiant, I'm oblivious, I'm irrational, I'm heartbroken, I'm betrayed, I'm immature I'm abandoned, I'm metamorphosed......I'm Julia and I'm in love with Proteus!!!! And I go through a shit-ton of hell... ALL FOR LOVE!!!

I am Sebastian....for love.

Oh Sebastian....you crazy, grumpy, fat little man!! But you're lucky because you get to see things for what they really are, whether you want to or not!!! And that's life at it's best and worst all at once...can you handle that? It's a good thing you've got caesario with you otherwise youd be done for. We are brothers, we are friends, up until the day eternity ends :)

I am honestly in love with this character. So grateful for the opportunity to play Julia/Sebastian. To express so many raw emotions and be silly and sing and dance!!! This has evolved my love of performing and has opened my eyes to so many different choices and paths to take when I'm up there on that stage. It's magical to simultaneously lose yourself and connect yourself to the art you produce!!!

HELL WEEK is upon us....this is when it comes ALIVE!!! All of the performance enhancers will be in play. All of the quirks will be worked through. All of the focus, all of the passion, all the precision, all the magic and then the final touch....the AUDIENCE!!! Well, we are magicians and they came for magic.....let us metamorphose!!

PERFORMANCE ENHANCERS

Sooooo remember that off book read trough/sing through we had coming up.....Epic fail? NOT SO MUCH!!! Loosing the script has really helped me!! That's one less thing to get in the way of the performance!! I'm becoming more comfortable with my character and It's really rewarding to blossom as a performer!! I've had quite a few realizations thanks to some of my peers!! As a performer its my job to portray the message with clear conviction! I have to completely lose myself on stage and pull out my character... become unconscious to who I am and get into that lucid characterization full of extreme passion, sincere emotion, and personal connection. It takes a lot of energy and focus and has to be larger than life in order to come across. I've got to OWN IT!! Boy do I struggle sometimes!!! Confidence on stage is one of my bigger issues!! I feel that I'll look stupid if I give too much, but what I realize is that the less I give the more unbelievable it is and that just can't happen. I'm not doing my job if that happens and quite frankly, if there is a job to do I want to do my absolute best!!! This is entertainment so let's have fun!!! This is professional so there is no room for amateur!! :).

I consider myself to be a pretty mature person and so some of the things Julia goes through boggle my mind! I just have to think back to when I was a teenage girl and some of the antics I've pulled all for the sake of 'love' ,having no clue to what it truly was. Hell, I only have broken ideas to this day. Love is crazy....it makes u do unseemly things. It will metamorphose you...make u physically weak or feel invincible...enlighten u or turn u into a lovestruck dummy!!! Its magical!! :) I thought I couldn't relate to Julia but the deeper I dig the more I see how much we are alike. similar scenarios have played in my life, maybe not exactly or to that extreme, but for sure.....stalking, pretending, chasing, rationalizing nonsense, all because of how I'd felt for that lucky gentleman at the time. Looking back I cant believe the craziness I put myself through!!! JULIA IS IN THAT MOMENT!! She 'loves' Proteus who 'loves' the idea of love more than he 'loves' Julia. But all she knows is what she's experienced....which isn't much for this small town girl. Boys have liked her, She's dated but she's never been in love. And now all of a sudden she is head over heels in love.....He is the one!!! He will be her first.....first love, first sexual experience, first heartbreak. Recipe for chaos to say the least!!! Add a departure, song and dance and a pregnancy and you've got a rowdy musical comedy :)

From here on out the show will be ran from top to bottom. AWESOME!!! Now we have performance enhancers: hair, makeup, costumes, props, the set!! Thrilling!! I'm gonna keep giving it my all and then some more so that I can become the best performer I can be. I want to surprise myself!! I feel blessed to have so many wise and talented people around to help me craft :) This journey has been incredible I loooooove this show!! March is right around the corner and then the world can fall in love with what we all love so much!!!

BLOCKHEAD

Blocking has most definitely started and is practically complete. Every scene blocked is fascinating. Such a cast of talented performers!! I'm excited for the audience, this is coming alive and its gonna be explosive. At first the hand mics made me reeeeeaaaally nervous but after blocking with them it doesn't seem too bad and it really adds to the rock and roll performance feel. After watching Hair I saw that it could be done and I stopped ever noticing when mics we're being passed! I think people are going to thoroughly enjoy it!! Thanks to great direction Julia is developing nicely. I'm digging deeper to really get to know who she as a person, who she wants people to think she is, what she wants, how she feels. Off book run-through is right around the corner!! It'll be great to just pour the lines from the heart and my poor script has had it, so it's about time to set it down anyway. :) I am only part of one dance number, the finale, but its a RIOT!! Love has driven us sane but this dance is insane.....in a GREAT way!! Soon we will load in and it will become more and more real. So ready to sing and dance and love and rock around that FANTASTIC set!!!