Well damn, it's been almost a year since I've gotten my blog on! Sooooo much has changed and yet so little has changed. I am still silly and free-spirited and head over heels in love with theater. But these days, I am over the moon in love with my Son.
It was around this time last year that I found out I was pregnant. It was actually closer to Halloween. Anyway, a plethora of emotions came over me....sadness, fear, defeat, doubt, excitement, shame. I wasn't ready for a baby. I'd just wrapped up 'Passing Strange' and was getting ready to run 'Palmer Park'. New Line cast me as Wanda in 'Cry-Baby'. I was in my theatrical prime. On top of that there was quite the scandal surrounding my pregnancy. This is why you don't sleep with your colleagues and you don't do on again, off again relationships. Just turn that shit off and keep the romance on the stage!! What would people think of me? What about my career, my social life, my title. I would go from single gal to single mom!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!! I didn't want to go through with it. I didn't want the stigma that came along with being a single mom. I didn't want to lose friends and jobs and respect. But then I remembered. "This is your life and it's the only one you've got. This is your life and there ain't no way out."
If I had an abortion, sure I wouldn't be raising a child right now but who's to say if I would have been able to deal with the trauma of that experience. Why kill a dream, because it's untimely. I chase dreams so that when I capture them I can revel...not so I can destroy or "postpone" them.
What will people think of me? What did people think of me? What do people think of me? Why should I care? I have very little control over that. Besides, you'll never get a true account to your face. As far as my career, it's a ball on a hill. If I let it go it's bound to fall fast and in order to keep escalating I've gotta stay strong and keep pushing. My social life is ever changing, as always, and expendable at the end of the day. I am a daughter, an ex, a sister, a friend, an actor, a woman, et cetera. I now am a mother. No other title has or will hold a bigger place in my life or my heart. Whereas before I was blowing in the breeze like a tumbleweed, I am now grounded. I have a true and absolute purpose for all of my days. It gives me a god-like confidence and I thank God everyday for awarding me with this coveted experience.
I won't go on and on about those things though. This is my theatrical blog. If you want to delve into my personal life you'll have to follow me on tumblr. ;)
Did I mention that I'm still head over heals in love with theater?! I was with child for 42 weeks, and 4 days so needless to say I missed the stage!! Once I was certain I was going to have a baby, week 18, I knew that I would have to either postpone, give up, or get serious about my craft. Well, I hate waiting and I don't believe in giving up and so it was time to get serious. My goals would have to be bigger because my time is that much more precious. Anything I auditioned for had to be worth it. I knew it would be hard work taking care of a newborn but until he arrived....I had no freakin idea!! I literally had the life sucked out of me the first month of Vincent's life. Gradually we got a good routine going and Vince started sleeping through the night. It was time to start auditioning again. I knew New Line's line up for their next season and I didn't think I'd be right for those particular shows and so it was time to venture off.
I'd look on STL auditions whenever I had a free hand or two and stumbled upon auditions for the Black Rep. They were holding auditions for their 36th season. The last show I did was 'Palmer Park' under the direction of Ron Himes and so I was that much more nervous. When auditions rolled around I had my 2 contrasting monologues, my headshot, my resume, my 32 bars of music. I was sooooo nervous. But I'll punch nerves in the face before I let them get the best of me!! Duuuuuuuuude!! Nerves kicked my ass and took my name!! I wouldn't say I bombed the audition but it was not fantastic. I didn't beat myself up about it though. I was rusty, I hadn't auditioned for anything in over a year! I was surprised to say the least when I was invited to a callback for 'Facing the Shadow'. Wooooohoooo!! I made up my mind that this time I would be impressive.
I googled the show and didn't find much. I saw that it was set just before the civil war, that it involved free women of color and helping a slave escape. I also saw that it would show at the History Museum and that it would be directed by Linda Kennedy. I was excited for callbacks!! Whenever I could I practiced cold-reading, did vocal warm-ups, practiced expressions in the mirror. Vincent giggled at me a lot :) On the day of auditions I made sure I looked prim and proper. I wanted to be cast in this show. I was nervous yet again, but this time I had to show nerves who was boss!! I got my sides. They wanted me to read for Alice. I was equipped with some tips and read several times with the other actors. I felt good when everything was said and done. They called me back into the room and offered me the role of Alice Adams, one of the leads, in 'Facing the Shadow'!!! I accepted, of course!!
With my script in hand I went home and told my family the great news!! They were so happy for me and let me know that they would do what they could to help me with baby Vincent during rehearsals and performances. My heart did a happy dance! As an actor, I crave the stage. I need to perform. It's my drug of choice and I can't wait to get my fix. As a mommy this will be hard. I have yet to be away from my son and now I'll have to share my time. It'll be okay though because one of the things I want Vincent to know is that you need to pursue your dreams!! They will haunt you otherwise.
With the help of my family and Vincent's dad I've been able to get back into the theatrical world. I've come to realize that every breathing moment is prime time and life is what you make it!! I'm always on the hunt for the next role to embellish my resume. One of my goals was to always have a script in my backseat....now there will be a car seat as well. I'm multifaceted and so I've got it in the bag!! No one will ever know just how turbulent it has been for me transitioning from a single young lady to a mother. But, I want the world to see how I've become a better friend, sister, daughter, woman, actor, et cetera because of it. Absolutely priceless!! I look forward to sharing my experiences with you all so be sure to check in. Til next time...
